Top ten reasons why I should have known I’d hate last night’s show

  1. Tickets were cheap. Like, “this is an amazing theatre but these tickets cost less than a Happy Meal” cheap.
  2. Only one glass of wine was consumed. It was plastic.
  3. The only nibbles they served were goat’s cheese and peppercorn popcorn. Apparently, that’s a flavour someone asked to be made, at some point.
  4. Everyone there looked like they “studied the work”. People who “study the work” aren’t to be trusted.
  5. There was a pole between me and my date and it wasn’t for dancing.
  6. The opening soundtrack consisted of heavy breathing and sighing. I sounded like that soundtrack.
  7. It was a one person show, that wasn’t a comedy.
  8. 87 minutes in total. 17 minutes of ranting.
  9. Although both the performer and I were first-language English speakers, I didn’t understand more than two sentences at a time because she seemed to be reciting poetry.
  10. Poetry.

My taxi driver home had heard of the show. A passenger from last week called it “poop”. I rest my case.


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